The Ups & Downs of Being a Stay-At-Home Mombie

July 11, 2016 1:26 pm / Leave a Comment / Wendy Knuth

As a woman, I can tell you that being a stay-at-home mom is a wonderful and rewarding job. However, it isn’t without pitfalls. Cook, clean, and wipe butt? Sign me up, I’m in. Men, don’t judge. There is a reason why I can’t talk about being a stay-at-home dad. Yet I’m sure the experience is quite similar. Also, ladies, please don’t judge. No matter how much you decide to work “outside of the home”, it is complicated. I would just like to stress the point that being a stay-at-home parent is a full time job, without outside pay.

Decisions, decisions. Do the math. Can the family be supported on one income? Now do the mental. Can you cope? My husband (the old, bald guy) and I opted for the scrape by method, and since we were just starting out, we decided he would be the crumb winner. That allowed me to be a stay-at-home mom for about ten years. Would I take it back? Absolutely not. Were there hardships? Absolutely yes.

It turns out that raising children is very difficult. At times you may feel like a sleep deprived zombie with a shrunken brain. Oh, the ups and downs. But, who doesn’t love a good roller coaster ride? I actually learned a few tricks along the way. Let’s review.

Up: Home cooked meals and Garanimals!

Down: Arguing over which color cup you chose to use and how much milk you poured into it.

Fix: Compromise – change the dang cup to your child’s preference, transfer milk from Cup A to Cup B and tip milk carton as if pouring more milk, but leave the cap on – your child will feel smug, and so will you.

Up: Being there for every single crucial moment in your child’s life. First roll onto back, first sit up, first noise/word, first crawl, first steps. . .

Down: The sheer difficulty of trying to make it to the grocery store in between naps, feedings and diaper changes. Just when you think you might have an hour, nope, rethink plan, and hope there will be another window of opportunity, maybe today.

Fix: Wait. All good things come in time.

Up: Things to do for free – my favorites were parks and the library.

Down: Having accidents (of both kinds) at parks and the library.

Fix: I got nothing here. Oh wait – don’t take your kids anywhere, ever, and then this will only happen at home.

Up: The excitement of experiencing everything for the first time all over again from spiders to rainbows.

Down: The power of an instant lobotomy like headache resulting from an inhumanly and inhumane high screech made from your young child, perhaps after seeing a spider.

Fix: Ibuprofen.

Up: Volunteering at school and seeing the gleam in your child’s eye when they see how proud you are of him, and you can tell how proud he is to have special moments be witnessed by you.

Down: Feeling guilty about missing something exciting at school – a play, a spelling bee, etc.

Fix: There is none – you will feel guilty about something to do with your child(ren) for the rest of your life.

Up: Being there to explain everything to your child, especially the why.

Down: Your most intellectual discussion of the day probably had something to do with Dr. Seuss.

Fix: Encourage your child to read. Explain this to him or her: “The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” (Yes, Dr. Seuss).

Up: Being so happy that hubby is home to relieve you of your duties if only for a little bit, because he realizes that you have been on high alert ALL day as there is no such thing as childproofing, you have dealt with numerous disgusting substances, you haven’t had any adult contact or highly stimulating conversation, you have “worked” all day- we’re talking going to the bathroom with the door open or something terrible could happen to the children no-break kind of day.

Down: Realizing that hubby is not sympathetic to your cause because he has also worked all day, even though he was able to have some meaningful conversations, feel productive, solve complex problems, make money, and go to the bathroom with the door closed without fear of immediate harm to his young children.

Fix: Don’t worry, that last rant resolves on its own as the children grow older.

To be super fair, if I were to rewrite the last “Up” bullet point from my husband’s point of view, it might read as follows: Being so happy to come home to a home cooked meal after having worked all day, including plunging clogged toilets, clearing sewage lines, and dealing with difficult customers, knowing all the while that this hard work has allowed for my loving, caring, appreciate wife to be able to stay at home with the children.

In summary, enjoy the ups and cope with the downs. Just remember you are in charge of each and every wonderful new day in molding the mind of your little human being. “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…” (Dr. Seuss).

Wendy Knuth is the author of Moore Zombies picture books and chapter books for children. One of her characters is a stay-at-home Mombie zombie named Mombie Moore.

art by Brian Allen

Posted in: Parenting / Tagged: #amblogging, #arizona, #author, #Authorlife, #blogtip, #children, #dad, #dadblog, #dadblogging, #dads, #family, #familytradition, #funny, #funnyblog, #hilarious, #humor, #kidslit, #laugh, #learning, #lifehack, #mom, #momblogger, #mombloggers, #momblogging, #moms, #moorezombies, #mostpopular, #parent, #parenting, #parents, #prescottvalley, #raisingchildren, #savvyblogging, #stayathomedad, #stayathomemom, #toddlers, #Writechat, #Writerslife, #zombie, #zombies

One Of The Most Perfect Gifts For A Toddler!

June 9, 2016 7:36 pm / Leave a Comment / Wendy Knuth

Everyone has heard the adage of buying presents for children only to find out they prefer the box. Well, from experience, it is true. So today, my good friends, I am here to tell you about one of the most cherished gifts your child will get from you: An item to bond with, to sleep with, a source of comfort, homemade with love. Yes, you will beam with pride when other parents ask you, “Where did you buy that?”

From me to you: Make a pillowcase!

Back in the day, I made a Teletubbies pillowcase for my son. He loved it – he treasured it for a couple of years. My other son was meanwhile enjoying the store bought 101 Dalmations bed set, just so you know he wasn’t neglected.

Go to your local store where materials are sold such as WalMart or JoAnns, and you will find a whole new world of options: Animals of all types (real and cartoony), holiday themed prints, fairies, princesses, flowers, specific sports teams, and copyrighted Disney characters. What did I find for my boys? Dinosaurs and construction equipment galore. Jackpot!

Worried about your sewing skills? Don’t be. I’m not an expert seamstress. Out of all the things one can sew, a pillowcase is probably one of the easiest, even if you don’t have a sewing machine. If your work is not up to par, your child probably won’t notice. But just in case, here is a handy tip from me to you: Don’t sew ALL the edges together or you will be left with a pillowcase malfunction. Handy tip #2 – buy a “travel pillow” – it is the perfect size for a toddler, and you’ll need even less material.

A yard of material is dirt cheap compared to your limited selection of pricey bed sets, and you can almost bank on the idea that toddlers don’t know that bedding should match, and really, why should it? Where is the fun in that? Live a little!

Alternatively, if you are “one of those people” and just can’t function without the matching set, you can take it a step further. I actually made (er, um, yeah) dinosaur blankets. Okay – I didn’t MAKE the blankets. I bought really cheap blankets and then covered one side with dinosaur material and used a plain blue cheapo material on the other side. In retrospect the plain blue material was more difficult to deal with since it was very stretchable. Tip #3: If sewing is not your thing – don’t buy anything too stretchy.

My dinosaur blankets each have a large seam running down the middle because often material is sold in smaller widths than can cover an adult sized blanket – did my kids notice? Nope! However, after a couple of weeks, one son complained of something pointy in the blanket. Oops – it turned out I had sewn in one of the pins I had used to keep the edges together. Tip # 4: (I think you get the point, yuk, yuk.)

That same young man is now an older teenager. Out of the numerous pillowcases I made for him, he still has (in his closet) what is now an old, raggedy pillow with the construction print pillowcase. He is not willing to part with it. It is a keepsake of his. Oh my gosh, how worth it is that?

So pick a print, apply your skills and give the gift of a pillowcase! Tip #5: Don’t forget to include a pillow.

Since you may not always be able to find what you are looking for at your local store, I am including some affiliate links for themed materials that are always available online:

Outer Space Fabric

Unicorns and Such

Tell me how it goes. . .

Wendy Knuth

Author of Moore Zombies picture books and chapter books

Posted in: Birthday / Tagged: #amblogging, #animalprints, #animals, #arizona, #artsandcrafts, #author, #Authorlife, #barbie, #bedding, #bestpresent, #birthdaypresent, #blog, #blogchat, #blogtip, #children, #childrensroom, #dads, #dinosaurs, #dumptruck, #fabric, #fairies, #family, #familytradition, #funny, #funnyblog, #happybirthday, #holiday, #humor, #kids, #kidsbedding, #kidslit, #moms, #moorezombies, #outerspace, #parenting, #parents, #picacho, #pillow, #pillowcases, #pokemon, #present, #presents, #princesses, #rainbows, #savvyblogging, #sewing, #sports, #toddler, #toddlergift, #unicorns, #wendyknuth, #Writechat

The 20 Year Old Cake, Part II – China/Platinum Anniversary

April 22, 2016 2:41 pm / Leave a Comment / Wendy Knuth

Let me tell you how things finally went down. The old, bald guy had a bad day at work and was kind of grumpy. He actually went grocery shopping. While he was away, our boys & I ordered pizza. I removed the cake which I had hidden in the refrigerator, unwrapped the aluminum foil and left it in a pile on the counter. It was a big clue in plain sight. It turns out the boys did know about the cake in the freezer. I must have told them the story long ago.

So yes, there was a small slice missing. One red candle went in the center. I put out two presents. Traditional rules for the 20 year anniversary say I should buy china. More contemporary guidelines say one should buy platinum. So I bought both.

After my initial cake blog, a friend on Facebook sent a “Happy Anniversary” Flintstones clip. It has proven to be problematic in that I can’t get the song out of my head, even days later.

When hubby came home, the boys and I quickly helped out with the groceries, not letting him into the kitchen. Then I waited at the computer until one of my boys said, “Now.” He lit the candle and I pressed play on the music clip where Fred Flintstone and his buddies are singing and Barney is playing a Stoneway piano.

The Flintstones – Happy Anniversary clip

The old, bald guy walked into the kitchen and immediately lit up. He laughed and then said “Where did you get the cake?” I was kind of surprised. Then he said “There’s a slice missing.” He looked a little confused. He was just not getting it. I gave him a weird look, looked at the cake and then at the pile of aluminum foil, and looked back at him without saying a word. He circled around and I saw a sudden look of recognition come over his face.

“Is that what I think it is?!” Yes, I told him. He laughed, and I mean hard, and then he said, “Thank God! We can finally get rid of that thing!” How romantic.

We both thought the cake was in remarkably good form. The icing smelled like icing but when we touched the inside where the slice was missing, it felt really dry, like sand. No, we didn’t eat any.

Hubby enjoyed his presents, the pizza came, and we watched our wedding video. Our teenage boys had never seen it before. Pretty weird to see how young everyone looked, including ourselves, and a lot of people have since passed away. I was feeling sentimental and teary eyed here and there, but that quickly dissipated because boys will be boys and my 3 guys cracked a lot of weird jokes throughout. Again, very romantic.

What happened to the cake? Well, this cake is famous now. I gave it a fresh wrapping of aluminum foil and back into the freezer it went.

Wendy Knuth, author of Moore Zombies books

Posted in: Anniversary / Tagged: #amblogging, #arizona, #author, #Authorlife, #blog, #blogtip, #cake, #children, #china, #dads, #family, #familytradition, #familytree, #folklore, #funny, #funnyblog, #giftideas, #humor, #moms, #moorezombies, #parenting, #parents, #platinum, #prescott, #savvyblogging, #tradition, #traditions, #weddingcake, #weddinggift, #wendyknuth, #Writechat, #zombies

The 20 Year Old Wedding Cake

April 18, 2016 1:15 pm / Leave a Comment / Wendy Knuth

The old, bald guy and I are about to celebrate our 20^th wedding anniversary!!! The picture of the old ripped and torn aluminum foil wrapped thingy-a-bobby? It is the top tier of our wedding cake, and it has been in our freezer for literally 20 years. Read it again.

We have all heard about how you are supposed to put some of your wedding cake in the freezer and then defrost it for your one year anniversary and actually eat a bite. Yuck. For some reason we reluctantly participated in this tradition. Even if it tastes great, it is very difficult mentally to cope with the one year old part. Who came up with this silly tradition? Perhaps it is an early test of the “in sickness or in health” part of your marriage vows with regards to food poisoning.

Let’s move on to mental health. Where or how is mine? For some odd reason, the cake went back into the freezer and became a point of nostalgia for me. Years passed and my hubby would occasionally ask me when can we get rid of this cake? We’re never going to it eat. Well, true. But it would be like throwing away a piece of our history. I can’t say that we argued about it but I think he saw that it would make me sad. He gave up asking quite some time ago. I think he came to terms with the fact that as long as I am alive, this cake will be in the freezer. Honestly, if he had thrown it away without my knowledge for the greater part of the last decade, I probably wouldn’t have noticed. But, don’t tell him that.

So there I am, trying to think of some unique gift for our 20 year anniversary and I suddenly remember – the cake!!!! I’m going to defrost and put it on the table next to his real presents. I think he and our kids will get a kick out of it. I’m pretty sure our boys don’t even know what that ragged aluminum foil wrapped thing is that has been in the freezer for their entire lives. I’m not sure if they have ever heard the story behind it. Don’t worry – the old, bald guy is not into social media so he won’t see this post until post anniversary.

There is only one problem. I will be setting myself up for disaster. I imagine that after a fun evening and some giggling about the ridiculousness of it all, my hubby will probably ask if we can finally throw the cake away. It’s a dilemma. We’ll just see how things go. . .

Wendy Knuth

MooreZombies.com

Posted in: Anniversary / Tagged: #amblogging, #arizona, #author, #Authorlife, #blog, #blogtip, #cake, #children, #children #chaingang, #dads, #family, #familytradition, #fatherhood, #folklore, #funny, #funnyblog, #gold, #momblogging, #moms, #moorezombies, #motherhood, #parenting, #parents, #platinum, #savvyblogging, #tradition, #wedding, #weddingcake, #Writechat, #zombie, #zombies

Adventures of Agnes – A Back Story Of Moore Zombies: Big, Bad Wolfbag

April 4, 2016 2:15 pm / Leave a Comment / Wendy Knuth

The old bad guy and I had this dog named Agnes. She was a short haired, brown something or other that we got from the local humane society. When she was really worked up, her hairline that ran down the middle of her back would raise up, but backwards. She was the friendliest dog ever, but she was also very intimidating if you were on the other side of the fence. We got a lot of great comments on her – personality, personality, personality, Type A.

Agnes was quite often, a pain in the rear. She was definitely an alpha female. So much so, that she would raise her leg to go the bathroom, she wasn’t letting the males have anything on her. I have blogged about her issues with skunks. I almost put something into Big, Bad Wolfbag about skunks but I felt I already had enough material. So then there was the toad thing.

One day, I heard Agnes barking her brains out in the backyard. Yes, she was drooling and foaming at the mouth, just like in the book. I saw this toad on the ground. She was barking at it and almost trying to bite it but you could tell whatever slime substance was on its back was deterring her. We put the poor toad outside of the fence and worried some about Agnes. We have her plenty of water to drink and she turned out just fine.

There was the time when the old, bald guy and I were camping near a lake. We saw this young boy come up over the hill. Agnes’ ears perked up and she looked very alert. The boy saw her and stopped in his tracks. The old bald guy spoke out loud to himself, “Please don’t run”. Of course, the kid turned and ran, and Agnes chased after him. He must have been terrified. Agnes was the kind of dog that would chase after anything that ran away from her, but luckily for humans, she wouldn’t do anything but be playful once she caught up to you. Anyhow, we feared repercussions from angry parents so we packed up, called Agnes who dutifully came back, and we left. A version of this is in the opening chapter of my Wolfbag book, except I changed the boy to a girl.

Another time, we were camping at Lake Pleasant, which is why I decided to include the name of this lake in the book. Agnes loved swimming and we saw her swimming after a bird that looked like it had a broken wing. The closer she got to the bird, the bigger her eyes became. When she got really close, the bird flew away and Agnes turned around and swam back to shore. Before she got out of the water the bird flew back and plopped down near Agnes and swam away again with the appearance of the broken wing. Of course, Agnes turned back around and swam after the bird. We were sure Agnes kept getting too close to this bird’s nest on shore. This literally went on for at least an hour. Yes, this is also in the book. When I did internet searches to find birds that played the broken wing trick, I could only find a certain bird that to my recollection did not look anything like the bird that played this trick on our dog, and that is why the type of bird remains unnamed in the book.

The fishing incident in the book is completely made up and had nothing to do with Agnes. However, there was a time when our other dog, Ed, got tangled in someone’s fishing line as he swam by. That silly angler saw him coming and should have reeled his line in, but instead he watched the whole thing happen and then blamed us for letting our dog tangle his fishing line. Luckily, as Ed kept swimming the line untangled on its own and we didn’t have to unhook him or anything. We were glad because we didn’t want to deal with that dummy anymore anyhow.

I could go on and on about Agnes, and I’m sure in the future I will. Now you know a lot of the events which inspired me came from real life and you can read all about them in my third chapter book called Moore Zombies: Big, Bad Wolfbag.

Wendy Knuth, Author of Moore Zombies picture books and chapter books

MooreZombies.com

Posted in: Dogs / Tagged: #amblogging, #anglers, #animals, #arizona, #author, #Authorlife, #backstory, #blog, #blogchat, #chapterbook, #chapterbooks, #children, #christmas #funny #fire #wendy, #dads, #earlyreader, #earlyreaders, #family, #fishing, #funny, #funnyblog, #humanesociety, #humor, #kids, #moms, #moorezombies, #parenting, #parents, #poison, #prescott, #prescottvalley, #savvyblogging, #toad, #toads, #Writechat, #zombie, #zombies

Peyton Manning’s Post Superbowl Speech –Thank you family, God, and Budweiser

February 11, 2016 11:36 pm / Leave a Comment / Wendy Knuth

Peyton Manning’s Post Superbowl Speech

Peyton Manning’s Post Superbowl Speech –Thank you family, God, and Budweiser

So there I am watching Peyton Manning’s speech at the end of Superbowl 50 and I am incredibly surprised and greatly amused to hear him talk about how he will be drinking Budweiser that evening. First of all, I think – kaching! (cash register noise here) – he just made at least a million bucks for saying that, right? Secondly I think – why haven’t I seen this act before? It’s brilliant!!

Of course Mr. Manning thanked his teammates, family and God. That is to be expected. I can’t quite recall the order, so one might go back over the footage to amuse him or herself to see where his priorities were. Don’t be fooled, Budweiser as a seemingly priority number one would certainly count in my book as family priority number one bringing home the bacon-wise.

But again, why haven’t I seen this before? Athletes of all kinds wear baseball caps and t-shirts with slogans and logos. NASCAR events have autos with advertising all over their bodies. UFC fighters make a point of quickly putting on a t-shirt and ball cap with company advertising after the fight is over. By the way, I just love how someone realized that the octagon butt is prime real estate for advertising. Very clever!

We have all seen athletes in commercials endorsing this and that. However, there is nothing like a verbal and visual endorsement from a superstar athlete at the peak of his career during a prime time moment. We all know about the “I’m going to Disneyland” statement made post win that is supposed to seem spontaneous. So, why haven’t other companies jumped on this band wagon?

Disneyland is more of a proximity thing. Numerous other items are much more readily available to the average person: soda, candy, snacks, fast food, under wear, clothes, cars & trucks, and yes, alcohol. I got to thinking – there is a lot more money that could be made here.

I now have a clear plan for my life. First, I become a super athlete. I work and toil for years while making several mil along the way. Second, after years of hard work, I win a huge athletic event in which I will most certainly be interviewed after the fact. And now comes the best part. Third, during what is probably going to end up being my retirement speech, I earn an additional 50 million cool dollars in verbal endorsements over the course of a few sentences. Wish me luck. Kaching!

Wendy Knuth, author of Moore Zombies picture books and chapter books

Please visit MooreZombies.com – books, t-shirts, free video games, free coloring pages, fun videos!

Enjoy the attached video – you have just read about the inspiration behind it.

I would like to add credits and would encourage readers to please email, tweet, and/or facebook with their comments on this hilarious video:

CBS Sports – Thank you so much for the live stream of the Super Bowl!

www.cbssports.com

www.twitter.com/cbssports

Peyton Manning Fan Pages:

www.facebook.com/PeytonManningDenverBronco

www.facebook.com/PeytonManninglover/

www.twitter.com/peytonmanninggo

www.twitter.com/theofficial18

Tracy Wolfson, Sportscaster

www.TracyWolfson.net

www.facebook.com/TracyWolfson/

www.twitter.com/tracywolfson

Images used in the video

www.freeimages.com/KennKiser for the classic Ford Truck in the attached video

www.Freeimages.com/kirchli for the hanging under wear in the attached video

www.Freeimages.com/TheD for the picture of the Big Mac in the attached video

www.Freeimages.com/mikaelcronhamn for the picture of the adorable little girl in princess attire in the attached video

Sound used in the video

www.Freesounds.org “Cash Register Purchase” by Zott820

Last, but not least, Sudipta Dasgupta of www.dasguptarts.com for the Moore Zombies images (Gothina, Broheimer, Baby Zom, & Kamper)

Posted in: Sports / Tagged: #amblogging, #arizona, #Authorlife, #beyonce, #blog, #blogchat, #blogtip, #brunomars, #cbssports, #chapterbook, #children, #children #chaingang, #christmas #funny #fire #wendy, #coldplay, #dads, #familytradition, #football, #funny, #funnyblog, #habits, #hilarious, #humor, #kidslit, #moms, #moorezombies, #parents, #parody, #peytonmanning, #savvyblogging, #sports, #superbowl, #superbowl50, #superbowlsunday, #tracywolfson, #tradition, #traditions, #wolfson, #Writechat, #zombie, #zombies, broncos, denver, denverbroncos, manning, panthers, peyton

We Cut The Cord! No More Cable TV.

January 5, 2016 1:17 pm / Leave a Comment / Wendy Knuth

I have been complaining for quite some time about getting rid of cable tv, at least for over a year now. Our bill has gone up, up, up, and so has our commercial viewing time. Of course, the channel lineup has gone down, down, down. Why are we paying more and more to watch at least twenty minutes of commercials per hour? It’s a habit, folks.

I am surrounded by young-ens at my work. They have no idea why us older folks would pay for cable or satellite tv. The idea is foreign to them. Even my own teens who live in the same house hardly ever watch cable tv. Once, when us older folks were talking about a funny commercial, I actually heard a comment from a gal in her young twenties – “I don’t really see commercials anymore.” Wait, WHAT!!??

For me, I have come to understand that I am addicted to a scroll bar. Yes, the scrolling list of junk that is currently available and chock full of commercials. It’s time to realize I just need to change my habits and so does my hubby, the old, bald guy.

So, we did it! We cut the cord! What have we discovered? There is a lot of great stuff out there. And, there is a pause button and a rewind bar in case you missed something. Me personally? I found that I was also addicted to having the tv on mostly for the white noise it provided. I was so accustomed to a having programs fully loaded with commercials that my attention faded in and out. I would often do things around the house during commercial breaks that would cause me to miss portions of programs I was actually interested in. Why doesn’t the brain behind the program want my full attention? Isn’t this a contradiction?

An analytical review about this dilemma led me to realize that I have been in an abusive relationship. For instance, Dr. Phil wants me to watch his program however, he subjects me to more and more commercials, leaving me feeling hurt and unwanted. Well, no more! Since cutting the cord, the tables have been turned. If you want me to watch your program, you had better make it available to me. As this internet revolution of television grows, maybe one day Dr. Phil will beg me back, only to find I have moved on and developed new habits and healthy relationships with other suitors.

Meanwhile, we are enjoying a lot of Netflix, Rabbit TV Lite and a few other sites. There are actually many programs available on YouTube. We now search for these programs that get our full attention and most are sans commercials. One annoying thing we have found – there is still abuse out there – numerous websites have enticing buttons that say “Watch Full Episodes” which turn out to be entirely untrue, again short clips advertising a longer program, which can’t even then be found. Gee, thanks for wasting our time with your company logo attached. Great business plan there, I’m sure we’ll visit again – NOT!

Our new dilemma? Restricting bandwidth usage. While our current cable bill is less than half of what it used to be (they provide our internet – can’t ever cut that cord!), our bandwidth usage has gone up, up, up. So, we might have to upgrade our plan. It seems we still haven’t gotten the best of the cable company.

Wendy Knuth, author of Moore Zombies

MooreZombies.com

Posted in: CutTheCord / Tagged: #abuse, #addiction, #amblogging, #arizona, #author, #Authorlife, #blog, #blogchat, #blogtip, #cable, #cutthecord, #drphil, #funny, #habits, #internet, #internettv, #moms, #netflix, #parents, #rabbittvlite, #satellite, #satellitetv, #savemoney, #savings, #savvyblogging, #television, #tv, #wendyknuth, #Writechat, #youtube

Christmas and The Leaning Tower of Tree

December 10, 2015 5:11 pm / Leave a Comment / Wendy Knuth

I bought a Christmas tree. I placed it in the holder all by myself, and low and behold I could not get it straight. More importantly, I couldn’t get it steady. Perhaps older teenage boy that I purchased the tree from at the local grocery store did not cut the bottom correctly. I broke out the old camp saw and cut it again myself. If you want something done right. . . Long story short, the tree is still leaning, and still loose. It could fall over at any time. I may have uttered a few bad words.

So let’s reframe the situation. Instead of admitting defeat, I will name this year’s tree: The Leaning Tower of Tree. It is much easier to cope with the situation, and much more fun. I have to admit, I did think about strapping the tree to the wall with plumber’s tape. Have I mentioned that my husband, the old bald guy, is a plumber? The layperson might imagine that plumbers tape actually has a sticky side. No, it is a thin sheet metal strap with which you use screws to secure things to a wall or stud, such as a water heater in an earthquake prone environment. No, it is much more fun to deal with said tree in its current condition. It is what it is.

Thinking back to previous years, I recall the year of two trees. The kids couldn’t agree on which tree to buy, and of course they each favored a different one. Luckily I could afford and we bought them both. Then there was the year of “The tree of poverty.” I believe it was 2008 or 2009 when the economy took a terrible turn for the worse. I bought a tiny little table top tree on the cheap, almost Charlie Brown style but not quite as sad. We had a lot of fun making fun of that tree, and the savings made for more money for presents. Boy, how I miss the days of the dollar bin for the plastic airplane or car that the kids loved as much as they would love a brand new computer nowadays.

So buy a tree, or don’t. Draw a tree on cardboard and stand it up against the wall. Put together cutout hand prints of your children, tape them together, and tape it to the wall. Don’t be sad about it. Set the mood and make it fun! Oh, and don’t forget to name your tree.

Wendy Knuth, Author of Moore Zombies picture books and early chapter books

Posted in: Holiday, Tradition / Tagged: #amblogging, #arizona, #artsandcrafts, #author, #Authorlife, #blog, #blogchat, #blogtip, #children, #christmas #funny #fire #wendy, #christmastree, #dads, #familytradition, #familytree, #funnyblog, #holiday, #humor, #kids, #kidslit, #moms, #savvyblogging, #tradition, #Writechat

Skewed Advertising, Cell phones / Smart Phones & Screaming Deals

October 22, 2015 10:29 pm / Leave a Comment / Wendy Knuth

We will get to cell phones in a moment or two, depending on how fast you can read. But first, let me give you an example of skewed advertising. Right now, I want you to picture a pair of prescription glasses. What pops into your mind? For those of us who have impaired eyesight, we can tell you why your picture is not quite right.

It turns out that a pair of prescription glasses is actually 3 parts: the frames, lens number one, and lens number two. If you would like to upgrade to scratch resistant, low glare, transition lenses, lightweight, etc., you will pay more. Seriously?

What about shopping for homes? New home buyers might think they will pay only the quoted principal and interest price per month. Not only will property tax and insurance add much to your payment, but you find out about all sorts of processing and document fees. Those are my favorite kinds of fees. In fact my husband and I recently bought a used car from a sales lot. Luckily, we were eligible and fortunate enough to participate (again) in the non advertised processing fee and document fee program. I think I’m going to start a club.

Let’s talk cell phones. I found a screaming deal! And after all has been said and done, I assure you, in my opinion (back off lawyers), it IS a screaming deal!!! I wish I could say I get a kick back or some sort of payment for my testimonial. I don’t. Do I want to pay it forward? Sure. Do I want there to be an eventual repercussion on those engaged in skewed advertising? Yes!!! Hopefully it will lead to either a lowering of rates, a true reflection of the actual cost involved, or both.

Backstory: Kids wanted cell phones. Mom (me) & Dad, (the old bald guy) owned dinosaur flip phones with old school texting for a “low” monthly payment of approximately $60 per month through “major” carrier. Last Christmas I bought my boys pay-as-you-go cell phones with slide open keypads. I thought it would be the highlight of their presents. My boys were thoroughly unimpressed. They weren’t smart phones. They went mostly unused. . . A waste of money.

So, the talk of the next couple of months was how to get smart phones for the whole family. My boys and I checked into plans and found some deals. A lot of major carriers offer some sort of family plan. Screaming deals!! So we ran the numbers and finally decided to go with a certain carrier. I actually went online and started adding things to “my cart”. The numbers went horribly awry. The plan was a great deal, but oh, you actually want line access with that? Um, yes, I would like for the phones to work. Well, then, that is a different situation. The stated family plan with phones and plan, and line access was now more than double than the advertised deal. It turns out that cell phone usage is like buying glasses. There are 3 parts: the phone, the plan, and the line access. You need all 3 for it to work.

So we checked out a second major carrier who also advertised a screaming deal. Nope, same problem. We checked into a third major carrier. Again, same thing. Note how I am not naming names.

I can’t figure out why companies pay huge bucks for advertising and for advertising campaigns that just aren’t as advertised. A company should be creating a feel good, win-win relationship with a customer. Why in the world would you advertise a price point that you know is not true for the service to work, and set up a resentful relationship with your customer? I really don’t get it. Hint, hint.

My quest continued. I start asking around at work. What type of cell phone do you own? What do you like and not like about your cell phone? Who is your carrier? Is your service good? How much do you pay per month? They are only too happy to answer my questions but I don’t like their answers when it comes to the cost. As the months go by, my coworkers become annoyed with me. They can’t believe that in my downtime I am still online looking for a screaming deal. There just aren’t any. When will I wake up?

But wait. I came across a great article. The link is at the bottom of this blog post. I researched the plans and decided to go with Republic Wireless for three of us and a separate plan for the old, bald guy who had different needs cell phone wise. My sons and I are almost always under the wonderful veil of Wifi service either at home, work, or school. I had to purchase 3 smart phones up front. I believe they were around $150 each. Maybe this is part of the way they make money, I don’t know. They are not the latest and greatest, but they are smartphones, and you can only use the Republic Wireless plan with certain phones. We did not “port in” our numbers, which means we got new phone numbers.

I didn’t pick the cheapest plan, which is Wifi only at $5.00 per month. You can make 911 calls outside of Wifi. I upgraded myself and the kids to the $10 per month plan which includes text and calls over 3G outside of Wifi. You can upgrade to include gigs if you want. They now even have a refund program where you receive money off of your bill for not using your gig allowance if you are on that plan.

The part I am DYING to get to: My monthly bill is $33, including taxes for all three lines. The fine print? It is actually in the same size type as all of the rest. Republic Wireless has a page about how much you will pay in taxes. There is no line access fee, no skewed advertising in my opinion. How refreshing! That is why the $10 per month option I chose X 3 lines of service, plus taxes equals $33.00.

This is a two part plan. One, buy a phone, two, pay for service. That’s it. Really, truly, A SCREAMING DEAL! Don’t believe me? Neither does anyone else. I tell my friends and coworkers about what I finally decided upon and tell them the cost. The looks on people’s faces would be the same as if I told them about last night’s alien abduction experience. One coworker even stated, “Well, you really don’t know until you receive your fist bill.” Another victim of being used to having to pay at least 100% more than advertised per month for that “monthly deal”.

No, really. My monthly bill, again, including taxes is $33 per month for 3 lines of service. I have had the service for several months, I have received the bills, and yes, it’s true. Check it out!

Meanwhile, speaking of screaming deals, don’t forget to download the free ebook Moore Zombies: The Search for Gargoy. Available online at major retailers for free (Amazon http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NUMLXB0 ), or go to http://www.MooreZombies.com

Wendy Knuth

Author of Moore Zombies picture and chapter books

Article on deals for cell phones: http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2375644,00.asp

Posted in: Uncategorized / Tagged: #amblogging, #arizona, #author, #Authorlife, #blog, #blogchat, #blogtip, #cellphones, #cheap, #children, #christmas #funny #fire #wendy, #dads, #deals, #family, #frugal, #frugaldads, #frugalmoms, #habits, #humor, #kids, #moms, #money, #moorezombies, #parenting, #parents, #screamingdeals, #smartphones, #tech, #techies, #thisislife, #tips, #wendyknuth, #Writechat, #zombie, #zombies

What’s wrong with the children of today? Raised by Hypocrites!

September 21, 2015 9:10 pm / Leave a Comment / Wendy Knuth

I have seen many facebook posts about how different the childhood lives were of us older folks. We are so proud of our crazy escapades. We used to run wild with parental consent. Playing outside was the norm. At times, we were literally miles away, and far outside the reach of any authority. We were physically fit, we were using our imaginations, and we got dirty. We had a great time.

I grew up in a neighborhood full of mostly boys. There was motorcycle riding, bicycle riding, skateboarding all sans helmet, pick-up games of football and kick ball, horseback riding and other such activities. There was a creek nearby for swimming, fishing, and crawdad catching.

So, what stands out? Well, let’s see. There was the time when I was riding on the back of an ATV, a stick somehow got stuck up my pant leg and so I shook my leg to get rid of it. My leg was caught under the back tire, which sucked me right off the seat and I was slammed to the ground as the tire rolled over my limb. My driver friend took a serious hit to her ribs against the handlebars.

One day, my neighbor decided he would like to be strung up a tree. Seriously, it was his idea. Does anyone remember how much fun you can have with the old rope over the branch trick? Well, said neighbor boy created a loop and put it around his neck and asked my brother to start pulling on the rope. He made it a few feet off the ground before he started making very strange noises and the writhing of his body was evidence enough for my brother to let him down. Brilliant thinking on behalf of both of them.

At one point in time, boyhood frustrations were running high. There were altercations occurring. One day, we kids happened across previously mentioned hang him up boy and his military father. The father thought it would be a great idea to duke it out and settle the tension. So he asked “Who wants to fight?” Boys agreed to fighting, and fighting occurred. As the only girl, I was an observer. As I recall, the fights ended on their own with mutual consent. Can you imagine the headlines today?

These are but a few of my many, many stories I could tell you about the youth of past days.

So, parents, if life was so great, why won’t you let your children experience the same?

Let your children run wild with no knowledge of their whereabouts for hours on end. Let them trick-or-treat unsupervised. Let them sell cookies door-to-door to complete strangers with no parents watching over them. Forget the helmets, forget the seatbelts. Remember how much fun it was without them? Swimming alone, why not? There is nothing like living a little dangerously. It will build character. As a small test, tell your children to leave their cell phones at home to simulate the lack of contact. Are you game? Probably not.

Did we have great fun as youths? Yes we did. We didn’t know how stupid we were being, and yet we look back at it with fondness. Did we let our children do the same? Heck no! Are you a hypocrite? I can’t answer for all of you, but for me, yes, guilty as charged!

Wendy Knuth

Author of Moore Zombies picture books and chapter books

MooreZombies.com

Posted in: Uncategorized / Tagged: #adventure, #ages 6-8, #arizona, #astronomy, #chapterbook, #children, #christmas, #christmas #funny #fire #wendy, #dads, #earlyreader, #family, #halloween, #hypocrites, #kidslit, #kindergarten, #moms, #parenting, #parents, #parents #raisingkids, #preschool, #raisingchildren, #youth, #zombies

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Skewed Advertising, Cell phones / Smart Phones & Screaming Deals

What’s wrong with the children of today? Raised by Hypocrites!

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